dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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