I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
