Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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