do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
