Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
