She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
