I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
