Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
