I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
