what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.