I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...