My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize