I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower