Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
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Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just gift wrapped bread.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it