Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
