Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
