Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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