Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
