I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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