they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
is it fun? or sober?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
