Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
