I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
