I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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