C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
