He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
