You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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