remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
