I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
