So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
