I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
