I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
