No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
