now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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