You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
