its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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