just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
