you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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