I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
