you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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