i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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