Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
