the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry my hands just texted you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
