when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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