i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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