Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
