I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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