dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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