we're blogging at a bar
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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