Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
