I wish I could teleport
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
