Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
