i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
