He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
