the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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