He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
