weddingsv make me drug and hornr
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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