I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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