Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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