She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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