she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
