...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There r osticjed everywhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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