Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
