I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
