You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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