if i can run in heels then i can drive
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
