I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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