1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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