I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
