I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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