And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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