I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
