I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need water and some morals
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
