and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
