the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
