I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
