I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
