remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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