Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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