Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
