When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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