i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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