**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
