you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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