i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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