You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
