sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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