I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
