I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
