I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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