his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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